I love fashion – I won’t let you criticize it! – but sometimes I wish it was giving me a little more of my love back.

See, sometimes, I have the feeling that fashion forgets about me a little bit. I mean, that it forgets certain aspects of a women’s body…

Breasts – Mmmm, sorry, what?

Fashion doesn’t know what to do with them, plus they vary from one girl to another, jeeeez, this would mean changing the entire geometry of a garment from one size to the next.
So, fashion just forgets them. Clothes are created a little as if women were unidimensional.

When you’re young and discovering what life has in store for you, boob-wise…

(14 years old : Oh yeah ! Here they are ! Boobs ! Yey !!! 16 years old : What, are you just gonna keep on growing? Okay! 17 years old : Ok now stooooooop!!!)

you try find things that fit you. If they’re bigger than a C (this happens to a lot of girls), you forget super fast about backless stuff (boobs without bras: they move. (What, really? They move? Ewww.)), transparent tops (highway to trashy) and strapless anything unless it’s been cut by a genius (rare), and, well, a lot of other stuff. These problems? Story of my life.

Of course, revenge comes in the shape of a beautiful décolleté.
But, how can I say, for everyday life?
We’re not on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills*, here.

Oh, and please let’s not even talk about finding a swimsuit, aahahah, what a joke.

By the way, my pregnant friends who gain 2 boobs sizes and fast always ask me: “But how do you manage your boobs?”
To this very profound question, I have no answer.

*Interlude The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills:

So here is our boob problem: either they don’t exist (the runway, the magazines) or the are WAY OVERLY INVESTED IN (and way overly pumped up) and carried as a massive sexual (and mediatic) destruction weapon.

Too bad, because between no boobs and way too much boobs, there is something interesting to be done.

Okay, so we’ve had Lara Stone for three minutes (real cool girl with boobs) but she’s now MIA, Lara, come back.

Butts – What was it you’re talking about, exactly?

Ok so this is not really my field of expertise because I don’t have much of a butt (I am certainly not complaining, it looks as if it’s as complicated a gift as having boobs) but also because I don’t see a lot of it in fashion.

Butts are not very fashionable.

Same thing here, you feel like they’ve disappeared too (modern woman is unidimensional, remember?) but a beautiful curve right there can be pretty beautiful – even if it’s like with boobs: showing too much of it is trashy and hiding too much of it makes you look fat (forgot to mention, there IS a difference between having boobs or a butt and being fat) between those two I guess you can get inspired by… I don’t know, Scarlett Johanson?

And find yourself dressed in a 50’s style (which is the only answer fashion has had to curves since… The 50’s) when the only thing you want is to go spend your salary at Céline.

Kim Kardashian Interlude:

I know what you’re gonna say, butt.
Kim literally has a surreal body, but for having seen her in real life, she’s overall an expert on how to dress her curves and how to pose in front of the camera.
And in all seriousness, with the fast evolution of her style (thank you Kanye!) I think she could one day pull a Victoria Beckham and become perfectly chic.
I am curious I have to say.

Big up to Kim in her pregnancy too, for saying that she’s cool with “putting on weight” (she’s getting ripped off by the tabloids for “getting fat” seriously, guys, she’s pregnant!) AND wearing Saint Laurent at 6 months, which must not have been the easiest of missions.

All right, on that note I am gonna let you go now, cause I have to go sweat with my new best friend Jillian. Cause as much as I like my curves, I perfectly know when there is too much of them.

It’s all about finding balance in you inner-self!!! a Beverly Hills Housewife would say.