Grilled Garance is a recipe suitable for beginners. Easy enough! Just take a look at her in your ready to wear boutique, ready to go, smiling even, completely clueless of the fact that you’re about to cook her up with onions.

What does she want? To see what’s new.
What is it you want? To sell her something right away. It’s simple, just say :

1/ It’s not too small, you’re supposed to wear it like that.
Even if I can’t breathe and I’m about to explode all the buttons right off the shirt if I lift my arms, but I get your innuendo. “You don’t understand anything about fashion, little one, this jean shirt is wornsmall, everyone knows it, EXCEPT YOU. But if you buy it, it will deliver you from your ignorance. You heretic.”

And then add a pinch of… :

2/ And I just have to tell you, right now we’re doing private sales in the shop for our preferred clients.
Like my mom always says, if you don’t want the jacket at its given price, YOU DON’T WANT IT ANY MORE AT 30% OFF. No, not even 50% off. No, really. But… Preferred clients? Wait, how much did you say, 10% off…? How much does that come out to?

Her mother came up with her stupid anti-consumerist theories? No worries, a tentative Garance can be brought back with a spoonful of:

3/ Chloë Sevigny bought one yesterday.
OH MY GOD CHLOË? She was here? Like right there? Yesterday? She bought this hat? Do you take Visa?

This is the moment you’ve been waiting for, you got this. Bring it home with this :

4/ IN ANY CASE, THESE SHOES ARE IN SUPER-LIMITES SERIES, I’m still wondering how we have some in the shop, seeing as we were sold out the day the came out. They were such a hit and have since become an instant classic. You’re so lucky.

AAAAAH THIS THING won’t be available ANYWHERE in the world. I’ll NEVER be able to find it again if I don’t buy it right now. I’ve only known of its existence for three seconds, and I was just doing just fine before it, but now I’m on the verge of making the mistake of a lfietime + and I’ll get kicked out from the Style Club + get a pulmonary embolism if I don’t buy this right now. Ridiculous. But QUICKLY NOW! Let’s get this done done done! Off we go!

Et voilà! Your Garance is perfectly done. Do you want me to wrap it up for you?

Translation : Tim Sullivan